It has been said that the people we love most have the capacity to hurt us most. I often wonder why is this the case. I think I know my answer. As an individual who constantly strives to make everyone happy before myself.. I have begun to realize that not everyone in my life thinks and acts that way in a reciprocal fashion…Though For as long as I can remember I’ve always thought everyone else around me is better.. I have created perfect images of everyone in my life and decided that they can all do no wrong.. but I can. Because I hold such respect for those in my life that I love, I truly had myself convinced that every bump in the road was in fact my fault.. this starts to hurt after a while. But is it really all my fault? How many mistakes can a single person make… maybe I’ve been acting as a doormat for too long..
As I sat with 2 old friends for dinner tonight and listened to them regale stories of nights I had not been apart of.. I began to realize I had been silent a long time and no one had asked me if I was alright.. (do I sound like a narcissist yet ?). I realized this is because they were having a jolly old time.. and I, across the table.. was having a thundering reality check that maybe you’re childhood friends aren’t meant to be your adult friends forever. People change.. they change.. I change.. and our environments change. I am no longer interested in clubs, bars, alcohol, house parties or “wild nights” … I’m interested in quiet nights in with close friends in an intimate and comfortable setting… So.. does that mean it’s time to let go? How do you let go of people you have lived through experiences with and loved for so long? When these people whom we think of so highly and for whom we have created this immensely perfect image in our minds, do something to knock down that perfect image, everything is thrown for a loop… but maybe this is all supposed to happen… maybe every single person we meet and love is not meant to be a long lasting person in our lives… Maybe these people we have grown to love and then grown apart from are only meant to be temporary lessons in life before we move on to our next chapter.. Everyone is going to change.. and it is not my place to judge them.. but what I can judge is the place my life is heading and if I am unhappy with that because of the people I choose to spend my time with .. maybe it’s time that I make that change
forgiveness is hard to find…. but it is deep inside of us. Sometimes given too easily, and sometimes must be searched for within